Where do I begin? I am into my second week of school and already
my head and my heart are filled to overflowing. I really should be
writing this in my journal, but right now there are too many thoughts in
my head to try to use a pen and paper. My typing can keep up with my
thoughts so much better. That being said, this entry is more for my
benefit than anything else.
How do I put these thoughts into
words? Again, how do I begin? I am experiencing so much from God's
word and am continuing to realize all that He has been teaching me over
the past year. What has happened just since returning to school? My
perspective has been put to right. My vision has been refocused. I
have come to grips with the fact that I have not been trusting the Lord
as I should. I've been trying to hold on to something that was not
worth holding on to. Something that maybe didn't even exist in the
first place. Perhaps? Or perhaps (and this I believe is the case) I
was not fully willing to open my hands and trust God with the direction
that He is taking me. Trust is scary. Commitment is scary. But why? I
know the character of God. I know that His ways are so, so much
greater than my ways. I know that this life is extremely temporary.
And
I know that thousands of people are dying and going to hell because
they do not have the opportunity to hear the gospel. This is reality.
There is no way I can escape it. I do not want to escape it.
I
was sharing some of these thoughts with my dorm mate and she asked if I
really believed that, or was it simply from being back in the bubble of
New Tribes. Of course the "bubble" and the teaching has had a big
effect on me, but if I am truly honest I know I have been stuffing this
reality during the summer. Missions? Really? As in very possibly
leaving the states? Learning a new language and culture? But there is
so much need right here in America! My experience at camp was
absolutely wonderful. Being in full-time ministry was the most
fulfilling thing I've ever done. I could easily see myself doing camp
ministry for the rest of my life. And there are so many children who
need to know about the love of God!
But what about those who do
not have the gospel in their language? At least in the states the
gospel is available and extremely accessible. Does that mean that
everyone in the states has heard the gospel? No, of course not. But at
least they have the opportunity. "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God." Romans 10:17
I
am excited for what God has in store for me this year. Where will He
lead after I graduate in May? Time will tell. But I know that it will
be in the work of spreading His gospel one way or the other. I do not
know what that will look like at this point. It could be support work.
It could be tribal church planting. But I am open to wherever He
leads. If I do not follow Him, my life will be meaningless.
